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1337 St. Clair Ave.
St. Paul, MN 55105-2844
Office: (651) 698-0470
Fax: (651) 815-0090
Email
mary @sagewoman.net
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Mary Antonia Wilmes,
Collaborative Attorney and Family Mediator
Who I Am
I am a
Collaborative Attorney and Family Mediator living and working in St. Paul, Minnesota.
I celebrated my 21th Anniversary working on Family Law cases in January 2006.
My Mission and Philosophy
I am interested personally and professionally in peaceful non-violent conflict resolution. My focus is on collaborative law and family mediation. As a mother and grandmother, I care deeply about all children. I believe in the importance of family, regardless of how the family is structured. Those who think that divorce is only a legal issue have not been through the experience or studied it in depth. Divorce (and any separation of a relationship, especially long-term ones) is one of the most difficult life passages and is a time that people need more than legal advice. I will help you find resources that help you emotionally, and support your making good decisions about your children and your finances.
I believe people can resolve their family issues with respect and fairness and I want to help them find solutions in a cost-effective way. Providing information to you about collaborative law and my practice through this web site is one way I help you save on my fees.
I have a special interest in cases where people want to settle issues respectfully but face barriers such as past histories of chemical abuse, domestic abuse, or other issues that involve power imbalances or other dysfunction. My experience is that even with such backgrounds, people who in good faith want to preserve good relationships with other family members can be helped to do so. That is why my focus is on collaborative law and family mediation instead of trial practice.
Do You Have Children?
If you have children, your motivation to achieve a peaceful fair settlement which preserves relationships is even higher. Working with you as a family mediator or collaborative attorney, I rarely meet the children, and believe it is important to keep my work separate from them. However, that doesn't mean that we ever forget them as we work. I often ask to see pictures of them, and sometimes copy the pictures for my file. I also use the picture of a child conference shown above to remind me and others that although children are not at the table resolving issues, their interests must be carefully considered in each decision. My six grandchildren keep me aware of just how vulnerable children are.
How We Work Together
I appreciate that professional fees, whether for mediation or legal services, are a great concern, and are not an item in anyone's budget. I can help you keep these fees reasonable in several ways, including:
  I have a low-overhead solo practice, which enables me to charge an hourly rate which is about $50 below the market for my experience and reputation.
I try to help you find low-conflict ways of resolving disputes . This conserves your and your family's money, energy, and relationships. I believe that most people will benefit from working with Collaborative Attorneys in reaching these goals. Learn more here about Collaborative Law.
I work to provide you information in as many free or low-cost ways as possible, including links and client information on this web site, printed materials and books that I have available for borrowing.
I encourage you to do as much of the work as you can . (I of course can do or have done any of the parts that you can't.) This includes gathering and recording information, copying documents, and providing me with written narratives on given subjects. For example, at our first meeting, I like you to bring a list of your questions, and basic information and documents, including, for a typical divorce, a list of assets and debts, copies of documents showing values and legal descriptions, two years' tax returns, and recent paystubs. It is much more efficient for me to get basic information from you in writing than through questioning you and writing down your answers. Some clients have put their expenses on a program like Quicken; then we can very easily create verifiable budgets for them. If clients need help and education with budgets, I may refer them to financial specialists who are experienced with budgets. I will work with information in whatever form you have it; I simply am giving you ways to keep your fees low.
I can give you referrals for other professionals , including accountants, financial planners, parenting professionals, coaches, and therapists. I prefer wherever possible, even when the other lawyer is not a collaborative attorney, to have the parties agree to use one expert rather than have one for each side. This cuts the costs in more than half since they will both trust the product.
I use technology to save you money. This includes email, scanning documents, and software which does calculations including incomes for child support purposes and maintenance, and estimates of pension values.
Collaborative Law - Is it for you?
For more information on Colllaborative Law and how it can benefit you and your family, read on.
Promote Family Peace.... Find a peaceful, respectful
way to resolve family disputes.
Promote World Peace.. Join the
Nonviolent Peace Force, www.nonviolentpeaceforce.org
Promote World Peace. . If you want peace, work for justice, support Amnesty
International, www.amnesty.org
Gandhi on Practicing Law
"My joy was boundless. I had learnt the true practice of law. I had learnt to find out the better side of human nature and to enter men's hearts. I realized that the true function of a lawyer was to unite parties driven asunder. The lesson was so indelibly burnt into me that a large part of my time during the twenty years of my practice as a lawyer was occupied in bringing about private compromises of hundreds of cases. I lost nothing thereby -- not even money, certainly not my soul" M.K. Gandhi
Lincoln on Practicing Law
"Discourage litigation. Persuade neighbors to compromise whenever you can. Point out to them how the nominal winner is often the real loser in fees, expenses, and a waste of time. As a peacemaker the lawyer has a superior opportunity of becoming a good (person)." Abraham Lincoln
Justice Burger on Collaborative Law
"The entire legal profession - lawyers, judges, law teachers - has become so mesmerized with the stimulation of the courtroom contest that we tend to forget that we ought to be healers - healers of conflicts ... Should lawyers not be healers? Healers, not warriors? Healers, not hired guns?"
- U.S. Chief Justice Warren Burger
I needed to climb a tree with my youngest grandchildren
so they'd remember a grandma who used to be able to climb trees!
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